The Naysayers
The biggest reason you need a support system in your life is the NAYSAYERS. Unfortunately, there are always going to be the "naysayers" any time you are up to something, no matter what that something is. Having at least one person in your life that believes in you and supports what you are committed to can make all the difference in the world, especially when that naysayer is you.
When you do have the unfortunate encounter with one of those dream crushers, use them to empower you instead. Remember that what they are actually saying is, "what you are up to isn't possible for me" and in reality, THEIR beliefs have nothing to do with you. Set out not only to prove them wrong and push past your own limits but more powerfully to be someone who inspires others to live a transformational life.
I'm talking about a life worth actually living. And never let someone else define what is possible for you!
A real-life scenario
In my line of work you have to ask permission to quit, even after you fulfill your commitment it's possible the answer could still be no. That being said we all have one of those "waking up" moments. When we realize what we want and very much what we don't. Having the most transparent understanding of this for the first time in my life, I submitted my paperwork requesting to leave my position a whole year in advance. This was the earliest I could get approval. When someone in a higher position at my company heard of my plans, she looked me straight in the eye and said,
"You know this is a long shot, right?"
There was a lot more behind her statement but decided to maintain the mindset of,
"you miss every shot you don't take."
Despite this person's lack of belief in my efforts, I decided to push forward with even more conviction that I would not give up, no matter how long it took. Now fast forward almost a year and I'm only three months away from my last day and a completely new beginning for myself and my family.
A life on MY terms! We can't avoid the naysayers. They're everywhere! But we can choose to not listen to them and take our own course of action despite their annoying pessimism and disbelief. Let them keep their own limiting beliefs. We don't want them or need them!
Finances are emotional
Becoming debt-free and building wealth is simple but it's not easy. It's simple because all you need is a plan and to follow that plan. If that was all it was, then we'd all be rich. So what makes it so hard? Finances are emotional! Do you suck it up and freeze your butt off in your Coleman sleeping bag while camping in 30-degree weather or do you buy a new $200 sleeping bag from REI?
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| Camping at Lake Tahoe |
I had a very strong emotional response to that question after freezing in my Walmart sleeping bag while camping at Yosemite in September. Classic newbie camper mistake. So, of course, I splurged on a nice and fancy REI sleeping bag for my next trip because there was no way I was going to spend three nights experiencing that again! I'm talking so cold my pillow froze. Seriously, it was like sleeping on a rock.
Immediately this negative emotional response to being cold took priority over my long-held commitment and out went my budget. Before you take me out to the woodshed, let's use this as an important lesson. None of us are perfect and life is full of mistakes. In the words of Tony Robbins, if your child is learning to walk but they keep falling do you tell them to give up?
"Sorry child, this is life for you now. You just don't walk."
Of course not! That would be ridiculous right?
*Seemingly irrelevant video of baby animals learning to walk just because it's cute.
So why then as adults do we do this? We make one mistake and we throw our hands up in defeat, give up, and go on to try something else. I mean, how often do you try something for the first time and you're an absolute rockstar at it? It's possible it happens now and then and I'm sure you may even have a story of this happening to you but it's by no means the norm. Instead, think of these mistakes, like not sticking to your budget, as self-awareness moments and where your cheerleader can help. They are simply areas known as weaknesses and we can improve those.
Gasp! I know, I know but you have no weaknesses.
Just look at it objectively, instead of punishing yourself. See it for what it is, an opportunity to transform a weakness that has control over your life, or you could just give up and let it continue to run the show sabotaging your future goals. Your choice. I choose to use self-awareness to benefit my life and not give up even if one month I annihilate my budget.
For example, I've learned that my birthday and vacations are 100% my weak spot! I mean it's like I'm possessed by the character from Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw, and I make it rain money.
Of course, I immediately regret my credit card purchases but I convince myself by saying things like, "Oh, it's your birthday though" or "But I needed this" and, of course, my favorite line, "I've been wanting or needing this for a while." According to my husband,
"vacations make me their bitch."
Knowing ahead of time that I lose my freaking mind on these occasions allows me to plan ahead. This is where having a cheerleader or accountability buddy comes into play. It can be anyone but preferably someone you trust and won't sugar coat things when you need the "get your life together" speech.
For me, that's absolutely my husband. We have agreements like I don't go into Ulta by myself and for all future vacations and obviously my birthday he'll hold on to my credit card for safekeeping. This doesn't mean I can't buy something for myself. It means I have to budget for it and if I only budgeted $100 for a sleeping bag then that $200 one isn't happening or I have to save up more to get it. It's simple. You don't spend more than you earn. Actually, if you want to build wealth you spend less than you earn. I know, crazy concept, especially in this day and age when we are all trying to keep up with everyone on Facebook and Instagram with their flashy new Tesla and exotic vacations to Bali.
After all, don't we deserve that too?!
Sorry to burst that bubble. If you don't have the money, then no you don't deserve it.
But can't I just put it on a credit card and pay it back later? Yes, but at what cost? You're sacrificing your financial future and that of your family when you do this.
The Painful Truth
Hate your job? Want to move? Maybe change careers? Too bad. You have to keep slaving away to a job you hate to pay for a trip you went on years ago and don't forget that $30,000 plus wedding you had with the person you're no longer married to. Ok, ok maybe you're still married but seriously how long ago was the wedding that you're still paying for? Don't forget the house you bought with the maximum mortgage loan you could get. Oh, and the new car you financed because you got a raise. Both of which you no longer get to enjoy because you're always working to afford them. But at least you can enjoy the new shiny car while driving to the job you hate. The silver lining I guess. Oh, and those poor children you hardly get to spend time with since you're too busy trying to stay afloat every month but I mean you had to be in the best school district, right? Now you need a vacation from the life you live so you go into more debt and the enslavement cycle continues. Welcome to the average middle-class graveyard.
I know we are all fed the bullshit that this is the "American dream" but don't do this to yourself!
I'm not mad or blame the poor sucker that falls for this trap. I'm pissed off with our culture for feeding us this garbage and you should be too.
Anyone else depressed by this bleak scenario? End the cycle and avoid debt like the plague. The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is commit to never saying, "I deserve it." Instead, build a life you don't need a vacation from.
When the Naysayer is You & Getting Recommitted
About a month ago I started to feel nervous about quitting my job and moving cross country without a ridiculous amount of money stocked away. The original plan was to pay off my student loans then use the remaining paychecks to save for our return to D.C. from California.
However, as the fear of potentially being jobless for a month or two began to sink in my commitment to becoming debt-free also began to fail. I presented to my husband (aka my cheerleader or accountability partner; he prefers the term accountability partner) a new plan of stopping my student loan payment and just saving everything for this transition. Keep in mind I only had 2 months to go until all my student loans were paid for! Also, the reality of our financial situation made this financial decision completely irrational and solely based on fear. Not to mention, I'm a registered nurse, which is currently one of the most in-demand professions in the United States!
I don't say this to brag but to point out the ludicrousness of my suggestion. This was not a financial decision but an emotional one based on fear.
He helped me to see that if I quit now it could easily be another year or more of just carrying this debt, or, perhaps, life would happen and I'd simply move on to the next thing. In his words, "You don't give up when you are about to reach the finish line." With his support, I got recommitted to my goal of becoming debt-free and I remembered why I was doing it in the first place.
Know Your Reason Why
My reason why is so I can be debt-free when we start a family and I can spend all the time in the world with my baby without the enslavement of debt forcing me back into the workforce missing precious time I could never get back. There was no way I was going to give that up when I'm so close to being free! That's how strong fear can be though. It makes you forget everything you're committed to.
So if you only take away one thing from this article, let it be to find an accountability partner so that when you're faced with giving up on your commitment and dreams they can remind you what's at stake.
Appreciation
On that note, I'd like to thank a friend, Vanessa, and credit her for this post. Most likely without knowing, she inspired me to start writing again and helped me discover I was being my own naysayer about sharing my thoughts with the world. I realized that by being afraid to share my writing I was making it about me. However, discovering I gave someone else the courage and inspiration to also become debt-free helped me reconnect with my mission. This mission is to help others to free themselves from the stress and burden debt carries so they too can live a more meaningful and purposeful life, while also making personal finance fun and funny. Shifting from being self-focused to worldly-focused, now that can make a real difference. Sometimes life surprises you and sends you just the support you needed to hear. You just have to be willing to hear it and then take the necessary action.
Until next time,
KG
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